To or Not to get married is the key question now. Time may be ripe for pre-marriage counselling. Relationships need to be handled with care. Current life styles may have made the relationships “fragile” . Nurturing, maintaining and handling emotions with care is need of the hour. Is all well with the day-to-day conversations with growing-up/grown-up children? Youth today are struggling with information expolsion, indecision related to getting married and having families. While economic empowerment and financial independence has strengthend women, the side effects may have disturbed the idea or institution of marriage. Why is there a fear of responsibilities or long-term commitments? Are there over-expectations between potential partners? One needs to be understand, practice and remember that manaing any relationship is a two way process of mutual care, understanding and respect. The attitude of “I control you” will definitely be a spoilsport. Conversations within families are becoming difficult. There is comparison all around. Statements like “When we were so and so, we lived like this and that” have become irrelevant. Such comparisons have become a big no-no, something that parents and grandparents keep repeating with children. But the reality hurts. Society is changing, rapidly too. Social media has taken over the way we think, act, eat, drink or even form basic opinions about our political preferences. That also means that the distractions are taking youngsters and youth staying clearly away from formal relationships called the Institution of Marriage! and if at all they decide, it is their choice, their place their way of rituals if at all there is any. Young couples are going with the flow, even to the extent of tying the knot thinking out of the box, and breaking the established norms e.g., getting married while flying high in a Helicopter! 🙂 Does your mind question why there is a long queue in courts for marital disputes? Did the lesson that said “all that glitters is not gold” go missing? Cearly it is because of changing norms that have empowered and made women equal, smarter, or economically more empowered than men in relationships. This fact cannot be ignored. So, is ‘ego’ the culprit? The term “wife and husband” may have now changed to being called “Partners – EQUAL Partners”. A fact that needs to be accepted and respected. Time may be ripe for pre-marriage counselling “look before you leap” for the couples deciding to enter into formal relationships, particularly so when the Parents and elders have no role to play anymore – even in rituals that have been taken over by the dictated style of wedding event management agencies. So how can pre-marriage Counselling help? Perhaps “confidentially” it gives a peep into the future, the expected gives and takes, creating a deeper understanding and adjusting the expectations between the couple. Equipping ourselves is always a good option. Knowledge is power and adjusting expectations may help strengthen relationships. Sivaram
Feeling not okay? We are not alone
Yes- it is normal not to feel okay and we are not alone. Just that we feel overwhelmed with issues on hand due to emotional situations due to relationships involved. We all have problems of various kinds in our lives be it personal, professional, or within families. It is fine to explore solutions rather than silently suffering. Our reactions to various situations matter. Are we aggressive so much that it further damages our relationships? Do we silently suffer, unable to find a source to open up? or Do we get those nice words on time to deal with difficult people or situations and resolve them? Are we silently suffering and thus playing victims to people and situations? In all circumstances, the first step has to come from us. It can be our choice to open up to friends, relatives, parents, siblings, or to a confidential space with a counselor. We get amazing results from our timely actions and we find solutions through focussed interactions and find way forward. Live and let live! Sivaram
PARENTING – BEST TO AVOID COMPARISONS
Not intentionally, but we do end up hurting children by frequent comparisons,. Each child is unique and comes with their levels of comprehension, physical abilities, and skills. Let us accept it. We faced such comparisons – e.g.,, our arithmetical or mathematical abilities were weak, but we were often compared with the brilliant, budding mathematicians in our class or neighborhood. Our abilities in other fields went unnoticed or were inadequately recognized. With the pressures of professions, travel, and the need to be connected to office work, modern-day parents need to be even more aware and alert and avoid comparing children. The focus could be on encouraging the skills that children are strong at. Understanding and realization is the first step if one feels there is room for self-correction. Counseling for Parents is an option one could consider. Differences of opinions between parents also get addressed in a user-friendly approach. Sivaram
Here is your chance to get heard…Counselling helps
Counselling helps. You have to take the first step – Decide to speak up on the issue bothering you. You get a one-to-one space to speak on issues, confidentially. All of us are entitled to express our needs. Remember the first step comes from. Seeking support is an essential skill.
